Encouraging Your Child to Communicate Their Feelings
As a child of divorce, I can attest to how easy it is for a kid to clam up during stressful life events like that. There’s a special kind of stillness that washes over a child as life as they know it is upended, one that can cause them to lock their feelings within themselves to fester. It can be obvious that a child is struggling or unfortunately deceptive in some cases with only subtle clues to alert nearby adults that they’re in need of help. No matter how it manifests itself, parents should do all they can to aid their kids in communicating their feelings.
Honesty is Key.
First things first, you have to lay the groundwork for a healthy communication between you and your child by ensuring you’re being open and honest. Children don’t and shouldn’t need to be exposed to the nitty-gritty details of why you and your co-parent are split, but keeping them in the dark does nothing to help either. This may spark feelings of guilt that they were somehow the cause of the divorce.
Sit your children down and have an honest conversation, making sure to emphasize that they aren’t the cause and that both of you still love them very much regardless of how their family looks. Let them ask questions, be open to hearing what they have to say but also expect them to be reserved or despondent.
Encourage, Encourage, Encourage
If your child is prone to introversion or you find that their moods have been dampened, don’t despair. Reach for them in those moments and make space for them to be honest about their own feelings, even if what they say may hurt yours in the process. Consider supplying younger children with crayons and paper in case they’re more comfortable illustrating their feelings rather than saying; older children and teens may require a gentle reminder that you’re a safe person to speak to.
As you all get more and more comfortable speaking, don’t get complacent! Have consistent check-ins with your kids to make sure that they’re processing in healthy manners, talk to a counselor or therapist, do family bonding and healing exercises.
